Why hadn't I though Matt could be gay? I don't know. And I don't care. Who he slept with was and is my last concern. But it was more than that. As they talked, Alison, Angie and I found out the whole story.

Everything began at some point in the early 2000's. They met when Thor moved to Britain, and they were neighbors. It's very simple: they met, fell in love, got engaged. Living the dream. But then they started to fight. A lot. Over anything. When Thor's ex-boyfriend showed up on their doorstep, Matt flipped. You see, not only Matt thought Thor was cheating on him (all those arguments were because of how Thor was unfaithful in the past in previous relationships and was always lying) but  Franco, Thor's ex, was a highly hunted drug dealer. You literally saw his face in every newspaper - and even I remember this happening. Apparently he dealt millions worth of cocaine and weed to the UK and had control of the largest drug cartel in Europe. Anyhow, this fugitive was at Matt's house - a little flat in Manchester - and he was mad. Very mad. He said he wanted Thor, that he 'belonged' to him and all of those obsessive-abusive-boyfriend things. Thor kept denying any involvement, they were broken up for years after Franco disappeared because of his infamous status. They were on the phone with the cops when he stormed out the door.

After a couple hours, things were calmer. Matt went to take a bath after a stressful day and put Iron Maiden's 'Killers' (WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT??) blasting on his sound system and bathed for a while. He was half-way through Brave New World when tattooed hands reached his throat: Franco had gone back to kill him. He drowned Matt on the bubbly water. Matt died violently and suddenly, but what made him come back was his lover - who after seeing what Franco did, stabbed him 11 times with the pitcher* of the fireplace.

'I felt tormented, knowing that you are alive, and I am not, and I couldn't be there for you. But what tormented me the most, was the thought that you would feel like it was your fault.' Matt said, crying in my head, sobbing so uncontrollably it was difficult for me to understand. 'And it wasn't your fault. None of it. You couldn't possibly have known. It was only his fault - he was crazy and probably on a thousand different drugs and he was the one whose hands ended my life. Not you. Not you at all.'

At this point, none of us could not cry. Looking back, I didn't have time to comprehend the entire sadness of the situation - it was like I was watching a movie. Now, thinking of this memory, I don't think anything that I have ever gone through felt this real. I could feel the pain in the air as well as the regrets, the guilt, but the connection between Matt and Thor to this day, makes my skin crawl. Matt couldn't rest in peace until he was sure Thor believed it wasn't his fault. He couldn't pass over to death until his partner passed over in life.

Thor and I held hands until he was taken away - his absence made the room feel even colder. We then left as visiting hours were over.

My head ached profusely, and this was the most silent we all were in days. I asked Officer Ike for hotel recommendations and he pointed me to 'Slight Sleep', a 3-star motel a couple of kilometers away. I drove over, booked a night in there and took a hot shower - all whilst operating in auto-pilot. I felt completely drained, like someone struck my soul with a straw and sucked my energy away.

'Thank you,' Matt whispers when I lie down.
All of us reply a low  'you're welcome' while I drift away to a sleepless dream.